Chapter 44

Tori scanned the area surrounding the bar as she entered the room and slowly approached. When she reached them, she halted in front of her husband and searched his face. One sable brow rose in silent inquiry.

His response was a defiant lifting of his glass to take another swallow, ignoring the narrowing of her eyes.

When he set the glass down, Tori picked it up. One glance warned David to get out of the way. He’d barely obeyed the silent message before she turned and hurled the cut crystal against the wall where it smashed, shards and liquor raining down like the tears she refused to shed.

The sparks shooting through the dark shadows in her sapphire eyes had even Jon holding his breath as she turned back to her husband. One slender hand lifted to point an accusing finger at him. “No! You don’t get to fall apart on me now! I have two small children to care for and another to find. I don’t have time to deal with....this.”  Her wave encompassed the bar. “So if you’ve decided you’d rather drown your emotions and escape into a bottle than help me, then you might as well go on upstairs, pack a bag and get the hell out. If you’re not going to be a participating member of this family, we don’t need you.”

“At least I admit I’ve got feelings instead of bottling it all up inside and acting like it’s not affecting me!” Richie shot back. “For Christ sake Tori! Our child has been taken and you’re acting like it’s no big deal!  I knew you didn’t want another child, but Jesus!” At the horrified look on her face, he closed his eyes and bit his tongue.

“How dare you??!!” She was starting to shake and the glint in her eyes warned anyone close enough to see that all hell was about to break loose. “If it wasn’t for your psycho fan...”

“STOP IT! Both of you!” Helen stepped in to cut her daughter off before she got going.  The sound of breaking glass had brought the rest of the family to see what was happening – but they were prepared for what they found. “What is the matter with you two? You should be supporting each other not blaming each other! This is what she wants. She’s trying to come between you – and you’re letting her. Victoria, this is exactly what I was trying to warn you about.” She turned to Richie. “And you need to stop letting her have her way so easily all the time! Make her treat you as an equal. Stop letting her walk all over you, or worse – ignore you.”

Joan moved up to stand beside Helen. “You two need to talk this out. I would have thought that you two of all people would understand the importance of communication. Especially in the hard times. You’ve done so well. Don’t backtrack now.”

The two mothers looked at each other and nodded decisively.

“Okay, everyone leave the room – except you two.” Helen waved her hand at the crowd.

“You two will stay here until you’ve talked this out.” Joan explained. Following everyone, she hesitated at the door. “Remember how much you love each other and your family. Talk, but also remember to listen.”

The door closed quietly behind her, leaving Tori and Richie alone in the room.

“Why do I feel like a reprimanded child that’s been sent to my room for a time out?” Tori eyed the closed door ruefully.

Richie chuckled. “Do you want something to drink?”

Realizing that for the first time in two years she could without anyone else being affected, she smiled. “Do we have any wine?”

He snorted and pulled a bottle from the fridge. “Jon’s here, what do you think?” Pouring her a glass, he grabbed a Diet Coke for himself and motioned her towards the large couch in front of the T.V. “Let’s sit down.”

When she was settled, he handed her the wine and sat beside her. He raked a hand through his hair and sighed. “The guilt squad did have a point though.”

It was Tori’s turn to sigh. “I know.” She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the back of the couch.

“I’m sorry. I never should have said you weren’t upset about Zachary being taken because you really didn’t want another baby. That was cruel and unfair, and I’m sorry.”

“And I’m sorry I haven’t shown my emotions – at least to you.”

“Why haven’t you?” That’s what bothered him the most. “Why did you lock me out?” Because she knows it was your fault.

She had to take a fortifying swallow before she could admit it. “Because I was afraid that once I opened that door....the flood would overwhelm me and I’d never get it under control again.” She grimaced. “And you know how I feel about losing control. And me falling apart isn’t going to help anyone.”

“And is that your only reason?” He raised the can to his lips but was afraid the lump in his throat wouldn’t allow him to swallow and lowered it again.

Tori frowned at him. “Of course. What other reason do you think?” She watched his index finger trace the pattern on the can and grew more concerned. She knew the signs. He was.....anxious.... about something. “Richie?”

Once again long fingers slid roughly through dark hair. He grimaced. “It’s my fault. Our baby was taken because of me.”

“No he wasn’t.”

But Richie wasn’t listening. “Because of what I am....what I do.”

“Richie stop it. It’s not your fault.” Tears filled her eyes.

“The people I care about the most – my family – are being made to suffer because of me.”

“Richie! It’s not your fault!”

“No? Whose fault it is then?”

The room was silent for a long moment. “Mine.”

Her voice was so soft he almost didn’t hear her. “What? How do you figure that?”

“I’m the one who left him alone with her. If I hadn’t done that....if I’d just waited for you to come to get us........he’d be here with us now.” The tears spilled over and she started to tremble. “You were right when you said I didn’t really want another baby....at first. But I swear it was only for a moment. I wanted that baby. I did! I do! But I’m being punished for wishing him away at first.” Silent tears turned into sobs. “And then I pushed you into having a vasectomy, so if worse comes to worst and we can’t find him, we...can’t.....even....have....another.....one!”

“Oh angel!” He set aside their drinks and took her into his arms, urging her onto his lap. Cradling her against his chest, he stroked her hair, lips pressing kisses to her hair and temple. The sobs wracking her body broke his heart and brought tears to his eyes. He held her close, rocking her gently while she let it all out. “Sssh baby. You didn’t push me into anything. I agreed to it. None of this is your fault. She’s a nurse. She convinced the hospital she was trustworthy. Why would you question that? She’s a psychotic bitch, but she’s clever. But we’ll find her and we’ll get him back.”

“Promise?” She sniffed and wiped her face on his already soaked shirt.

The fear and devastation in her normally strong, confident voice as she made a child’s plea to tell her everything would be alright did him in. “Angel look at me.” A knuckle under her chin lifted her face towards him. He had to find a way to erase – or at least ease – the guilt and sadness he saw there. He pressed a soft kiss to her trembling lips. “I promise.”

Neither one knew if it was a promise he could keep, but she needed to hear the words and they both needed to believe them.

“I feel so damn helpless!” Tori sniffled and laid her head back on his chest.

Richie snorted and squeezed her tighter. “Tell me about it.”

They sat quietly together, words no longer necessary.

The sounds of raised adult voices, barking dog and kids shrieking roused them awhile later.  

“Who do you suppose is terrorizing who?” Tori wondered, but didn’t move from her comfortable position.

“Normally I’d say the kids were doing the terrorizing, but with this group.....it’s definitely your brothers.”

“Should we go referee?”

“Naw, the mothers can handle it.” Richie assured her.

“Anthony! Put her down! You’re going to make her sick!” Carol’s voice could be heard above the din.

“See?”

“Good.” Tori sighed and snuggled even closer. “I don’t want to move just yet.”

“Me either.” Resting his cheek on the top of her head, he closed his eyes.